It’s the season of gratitude and thanksgiving. And I am thankful for all you are doing with Jesus in your community. As an expression of “thanks,” here is a sneak peek at the first chapter of our upcoming book, “Joining Jesus as a Family.” God willing, it will be available in early 2022. Enjoy. And let me know what you think. (finkeonthemove@aol.com)
Chapter One: “How’s Jesus been Messing with You, Mom and Dad?”
I could see the terror on their faces.
I was somewhere in the upper Midwest having breakfast with a small group of younger dads. The night before, I had given a presentation at their church on my first two books:
They were fired up by what they heard and wanted to talk more. So, they invited me to meet them at their favorite downtown breakfast spot ahead of my flight the next morning.
During breakfast, I mentioned that my wife and I were working on a new book.
“What’s it about?” they asked.
I finished chewing to give myself a moment to collect my thoughts, “It’s about taking what I unpack in the first two books and applying it to raising our families. My wife and I want to help parents intentionally disciple their kids to become lifelong followers of Jesus. We’re thinking of calling it, ‘Joining Jesus as a Family.’”
As a group, they stopped eating and looked up at me. I could tell Jesus had just started messing with them.
I smiled.
One of them clarified, “Did you say, ‘To help parents disciple their kids?’”
“Yep.”
And then the table exploded.
Everyone was shooting questions at me all at once!
Some were bewildered, “How would I do that?”
Some were excited, “How can I get started?”
And some were incredulous, “Why would I do that? Isn’t that why we take our kids to church?”
Still smiling, I looked around the table and said, “Here’s the deal, friends. Whether you know it or not, and whether you like it or not, you’re already discipling your kids in what it looks like to be a follower of Jesus. The kind of Jesus-follower you are now is deeply affecting the kind of Jesus-follower your kid will become.”
The table got very quiet. Their brains were spinning. It seemed like Jesus was really messing with them now. And it was good.
“You see, God designed your little child to watch you, imitate you and become a version of you. That’s how discipleship works. So, your lifestyle of faith, for better or worse, is already deeply molding and shaping your child for a lifetime… just like your parents’ lifestyle deeply molded and shaped you.
I let that settle in.
“You could sum it up this way: your lifestyle is your child’s discipleship curriculum.”
Blank stares. So, I explained.
“For example, if, to you, following Jesus is nothing more than a hobby to dabble in from time to time, then that is what you are discipling your children to imitate. If following Jesus means nothing more than following rules to please others or get approval, then that is what you are discipling your children to imitate. If following Jesus means nothing more than dutifully going to church every Sunday, then that is what you are discipling your children to imitate. BUT… if following Jesus means joining him on a daily adventure and living a fulfilling life for the good of others, then that is what you are discipling your children to imitate.”
Silence. But I was starting to see sparks of understanding in their eyes. So, I pressed on.
“The question, then, for you parents is, ‘How are you living out your faith… and is that what you want your kids to grow up and imitate?’ Because, as the old saying goes, ‘What they see is what they’ll be.’”
More silence. But I decided they needed what was next so I leaned in to deliver it.
“Here’s the good news, my friends: you’ve got this. You truly do. God has set you up to succeed in discipling your own kids.
“Think about it: from the moment your child was first placed in your arms, you’ve been their hero. God literally wired your child to look up to you and their mom, absorb your examples and want to be just like you. That literally means God designed your child to want to be discipled by you – not to be lectured by you, or drilled by you – but to be shown by you how to live life well. They want you to do that. All you have to do is not screw it up! Don’t be a jerk. Don’t be self-absorbed. Don’t be demeaning. Don’t be a religious hypocrite. The bar is really quite low.” I laughed and they nervously chuckled along.
“Instead, as St. Paul reminds us in Galatians 5, all we really have to do is let our family experience the fruit of the Spirit through us: his love, joy, peace, patience, kindness and self-control. Friends, your families don’t need you to be perfect. What they need is for you to be intentional about letting them experience some of the best of who you are.
“That may not always be easy to do, but it is a simple goal. And as often as we fail our families in this – and we will – then we get to once again humble ourselves before them, fess up to our failure and ask them for forgiveness. And when you do that, believe it or not, the respect our family has for us will actually grow even deeper.”
I saw a lot of deep thinking going on.
“You don’t have to be a theological expert or a perfect rule-keeper in order to disciple your kids well. All they need is for you to be intentional about being the kind of Jesus-follower you want your kids to imitate. Because they will imitate you. In fact, they already are. Does that make sense?”
There were nods all around the table.
I asked, “Will your kids still fuss and complain and test you?” Everyone laughed, and I laughed with them. “Of course, they will!”
Then I looked each of them in the eye as I said, “But in the end, your lifestyle, values and character will be what most deeply and permanently imprints your kids because that’s how God designed it to work. For better or for worse, they are becoming a version of you. So why not intentionally choose to make it the better version of you?”
I could see by the look on their faces that understanding was emerging. And just in time. I had a flight to catch.
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What about you? As you listened to this conversation, what got your attention? How was Jesus messing with you? As a parent, grandparent or guardian, what light bulbs went on about discipling a child to be a follower of Jesus? What questions do you still have?
If you want to start being more intentional about being the kind of Jesus-follower you want your child to imitate, then come along with Susan and me as we unpack the parenting/discipling themes that were introduced in the conversation above.
This is going to be fun!
Here’s the Point
God designed your child to watch you, imitate you and become a version of you… for better or worse. That’s how discipleship works. So, the question for parents is, ‘How are you living out your faith… and is that what you want your kids to grow up and imitate?’ Because, as the old saying goes, ‘What they see is what they’ll be.’”
